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Can I Get Back Together With My Ex After Divorce?

Sad wife looking at her ring

Life and circumstances fluctuate. Things change. While divorces are intended to be the final end to a marriage from a legal standpoint, life is rarely so clean-cut. Many divorced couples get back together with their former spouses at one time or another. Whether they will fully reconcile, and whether they will take the further step of remarrying, is another matter. It is also important to consider whether reconciliation is best for both parties and their family. Below, our experienced Claremont family law attorneys discuss some of the issues surrounding reconciliation with an ex-spouse.

Is Reconciliation Likely?

Reconciliation after divorce is a difficult process. Often, many of the same problems that led to the divorce will resurface. Some of the factors likely to affect whether a divorced couple will reconcile include:

  • Length of the marriage. Couples who have been married for many years are more likely to find that there is too much shared life and history to leave it all behind after divorce. Decades of memories and feelings may resurface, rekindling the reasons the couple fell in love in the first place.
  • Presence of shared children. Couples without children have much less incentive to stay together or get back together. Couples with shared children are more likely to reconcile. Parents often believe their children will benefit most from a loving two-parent household. Moreover, having shared children keeps divorced couples interacting more regularly, which can lead to feelings resurfacing and the relationship rekindling.
  • The types of issues that led to the divorce. Some types of relationship issues are easier to overcome than others. If the relationship suffered from lack of communication or dwindled passion, then the couple may be able to overcome these issues with hard work and renewed dedication following the realities of separation. If there was abuse, or infidelity, or fundamental disagreements about worldviews, then reconciliation is less likely.

Is Reconciliation the Right Choice?

Couples who get back together after divorce have a difficult choice to make. Should they accept the comfort of getting back together for a limited time and then part ways, or should they make a serious attempt at staying together for good? There are many things to consider. Some questions to ask include:

  • Why did you get divorced? As mentioned above, some relationship issues are easier to overcome than others. If you were miserable in your marriage, if there was rampant infidelity or other negative behavior, then reconciliation might not be the best option. You must ask yourself whether you trust them, or whether they trust you, for things to turn out differently this time around.
  • What has changed? Reconciliation will not eliminate the problems that existed before the divorce, nor will it restore the same relationship that existed. Your post-divorce relationship is a new relationship, and it is important to evaluate what has changed for the better, and what has changed for the worse. What are each of you willing to do to make the relationship work this time around (couples counseling, compromises, etc.)? Things may be different this time around, but only if both parties have grown from the experience and are willing to put in the effort to make it work.
  • What about remarriage? Couples who reconcile will inevitably consider whether to get remarried. There are a variety of financial, social, and legal reasons to consider whether remarriage is the best option, on top of personal feelings. Remarriage will not automatically change provisions established in the divorce, for example. Talk to a knowledgeable family law attorney about the legal implications of remarriage and whether it makes sense for you.

Keep in mind, of course, that reconciliation can only happen if both parties are on board. If your former spouse is not interested in getting back together, then there is nothing to do but move on.
If you are facing the prospect of divorce, or if you are dealing with other family law issues in Southern California, call a seasoned California family law attorney at Blasser Law for help. The dedicated and professional Claremont divorce legal team at Blasser Law is ready to assist clients with any family law concerns in the San Gabriel Valley or Los Angeles County. Contact our family law office at 877-927-2181.

Blasser Law

445 West Foothill Blvd., Suite 108
Claremont, CA 91711




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