How (and Why) to Find Positivity Toward Your Co-Parent
Divorce can leave both parties bitter, angry, and resentful. While these feelings are challenging enough to deal with if you and your spouse don’t share children, they can create even more of a problem if you’ll be spending the following decades co-parenting with your ex. It may seem challenging, but generating more positive feelings for your co-parent can greatly improve your unavoidable relationship with your co-parent, and it can have a beneficial effect on your kids, as well. Read on to learn how and why to generate positive feelings toward your co-parent.
Tell your kids a positive story from better times: As a way of dipping your toe in the waters of generating positive feelings toward your co-parent, try to recall a story about your ex that paints them in a positive light. It’ll help you recall a happier time when you and your ex were closer. Research shows that, when we speak positively of someone enough, even if we don’t really mean what we say at first, we can engender positive feelings towards the subject. It’ll also be beneficial for your kids to hear you speak well of your ex, to help them feel that you’re encouraging of their relationship with their other parent.
Finding reasons to be grateful for your co-parent can reduce your stress and anger toward them: Yes, it can be very hard to feel grateful for a co-parent who seems to pick fights or make your life more difficult than it needs to be. Researchers have found that generating a reason to be grateful can not only help you reduce your own feelings of stress and anger, they can also help you feel more empathetic towards the subject of your gratitude. It’s ok to start with something basic, like the fact that your co-parent has made their support payments as ordered by the court.
Positivity about your co-parent is worthwhile, even if your ex isn’t returning the favor: Children benefit greatly from being surrounded by role models who exhibit a positive mindset and an ability to find the bright side of the situation, rather than simply looking for a way to “get even” with someone whom they perceive to have wronged them. Don’t worry about whether your co-parent is returning the favor of speaking well (or even just neutrally) of you before you decide to speak positively about them. You can’t control how they describe you when you aren’t around; you can only control the person that you show yourself to be when you’re around your kids. Make that person someone they can admire and would want to emulate, even when describing someone with whom you have a challenging relationship.
If you are looking for skilled, effective and knowledgeable legal counsel for a divorce in Southern California, contact the Diamond Bar family law attorneys at Blasser Law for a consultation, at 909-843-6363.